


Jeopardy, Supernatural Edition

by croatoanwholock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Episode: s05e08 Changing Channels, Gabriel Being Gabriel, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1964796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croatoanwholock/pseuds/croatoanwholock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Gabriel plays matchmaker, Dean has a shady past, Cas is just Cas, and Sam appreciates earplugs more than he'd think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jeopardy, Supernatural Edition

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place somewhere between Changing Channels and Hammer of the Gods.  
> Obviously crack.

This work is based on this picture below. I found it on tumblr but I'm not sure who the creator is. Credit to them.

 

The first thing Sam notices when he wakes up is that he's standing up and fully clothed. He also has no idea where he is. The only clue he has is the increasingly familiar clench in his stomach that means he's been moved via angel.

"Sammy?" Dean calls out in the pitch black. At least Sam's not alone. He fumbles for the lighter in his pocket but he can't find it. Of course, Sam figures. Just his luck.

"Where the hell are we?" He asks.

"That's a very good question." A deep voice responds. Castiel. So he's here too. "Whatever transported us must be very powerful."

The lights all flip on, and Sam instantly recognizes where he's standing from years of watching motel television. An introduction plays and  _oh god_. That's the Jeopardy theme song.

"Well hello again!" Gabriel calls as he saunters out from God-knows-where. Who else, Sam curses under his breath. "I missed you boys too. Welcome to Jeopardy... Supernatural edition. I'm your host, the one and only archangel Gabriel. Who's ready to play?"

There's a fake applause track. The younger Winchester feels sick.

"Oh if it isn't my favorite flying asshole." Dean fumes, "So tell me. Do ya like your wings deep fried or extra crispy? Cause we can arrange that."

Gabriel just laughs. "What a flirt. I missed you too, Dean-o. Here's the rules - it's pretty simple. I don't even think you could mess it up. Play the game, learn a few life lessons, and get on your merry way. Capiche?"

Dean just scowls. "Didn't you use TV shows last time? Seems like you're running out of ideas."

The trickster winks. "Believe me, I'm  _very_ creative. You interrupted my fun last time, and I worked so hard on this I felt like bringing you back to finish up. Sammy, you're first."

Sam looks at the board and frowns. "Uh, I choose Betrayal for $300."

"Good choice. Alright. Sam Winchester left his brother with their unstable alcoholic father to go to which prestegious university?"

Sam cringes and reaches for the buzzer, but Dean is faster. "What is Stanford?" Dean asks unhappily. Neither of them are really over the big fight that led to that.

Gabriel seems amused by the tension. "Coooorect! You're in the lead. Pick a category."

Dean sighs. “Um, worst nightmares for $100.”

Gabe smirks. “This is getting kind of fun! Okay. This individual’s greatest fear that doesn’t involve death is flying.”

Sam slams on the button. “Who is Dean?”

A loud noise dings. Gabriel tries to high-five him. Sam just scowls, causing the angel to pout ridiculously. “Right-o, Sammy. Baby bro, your turn.”

Castiel fidgets with the hem of his trench coat uncomfortably. It’s such a _human_ gesture that it worries Sam. He’s becoming less and less angelic by the day. “I’ll go for character flaws for four hundred dollars.”

Gabe nods. “You’re getting the hang of this, Cassie. Ooh, hm. This is going to be interesting. Alrighty, Castiel’s greatest weakness is his overwhelming, undying human-esque love for whom?”

Cas pushes the button tensely. “Who is Dean Winchester?”

“Correct.”

“What?” Dean looks at his best friend incredulously. What the fuck is my life anymore? Sam wonders.

Cas just shrugs. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Dean. I thought it irrelevant. My apologies.”

“We have a lot to talk about later, Cas.” Dean bites his lip.

The archangel looks very pleased with himself. “Sammy, back to you.”

Sam shrugs, picking something at random. “People Who Are Dead Because of You for $400.”

“My favorite.” Gabriel jokes. It’s not funny. “Okay. This individual suffered death by Sleeping With Sam Winchester. Let me elaborate. She was shot in the head by Sam Winchester himself shortly after sexual intercourse.”

Sam cringes. “Who is Madison?”

“Correct. Dean?”

Dean shoots Sam a sympathetic look. “Uh, sexual humiliation for $400.”

“Oh. Awkwaaaard. John Winchester threatened to disown Dean – that’s you – after walking in on him doing what?”

“I am so not answering that.” Dean sighs. Sam frowns. He’s never heard that story before.

Nobody speaks. The timer runs out. "Ouch. Minus 400 points for Dean-o over here. Let’s reveal the answer shall we? Daddy walked in on a young Dean Winchester performing felatio in a bar’s bathroom.” Gabe whistles and crosses his arms. Sam’s mouth pops open into an o.

“Don’t even think about asking.” Dean warns. Castiel just looks concerned.

“I wish to finish this… game. I pick Betrayal for $400.” Cas decides.

“That’s the spirit, Cassie! Ooh. Sam Winchester lied to his brother and had multiple trysts with whom… or rather what?”

Dean slams on the button. “Who is Ruby?”

“Someone’s a bit angry.” Gabriel notes. “Okay. Samsquash, your turn.”

Sam just wants this to be over. This was funny at first, but he doesn’t like this. “Worst nightmares, $400.”

“This individual’s greatest fear is letting Dean down.” Gabriel reads off the card.

Cas, surprisingly, slams the button down. “Who is Sam Winchester?”

Wow, Sam thinks. He didn’t even think about it like that, but it’s probably right.

“So, other people notice the co-dependency too, huh.” The trickster muses. There’s a loud alarm that goes off. “Well, bummer. I’m needed elsewhere. Prior commitments, yadda yadda. Let’s recap then. In last is Dean with a great, big, whopping zero. That's like your life story, isn't it kiddo? Tied for first place are Sam and Castiel with $800. Your prize is…”

Gabriel walks over and presses to fingers to his brother’s forehead. Cas automatically stands up straighter. “ _That_ was out of the goodness of my heart. Don't say I never did anything for my family.”

“What did he do?” Dean asks, sounding oddly protective of Cas.

“He, as you would say, ‘re-mojoed’ me.” Castiel answers using air quotes.

“And for you, Sammy,” Gabriel walks over and hands him a small plastic container.

“Earplugs?”

“You’ll thank me later, believe me.” The archangel shudders, cocking his head at Dean and Cas. They’re talking in a hushed tone.

“ _Ew_.” Sam shudders as well at the mental image.

“You might to start booking two motel rooms.” Gabriel teases. _Ew. So much ew._ “If you need anything Sampunzel, you can always call. I’ll see you three very soon. Try to stay out of too much trouble?”

As if.

 

Sam really did appreciate the earplugs that night.


End file.
